"Are you excited for the holidays?"
HO HO NO! As someone living with Bipolar I disorder, the most wonderful time of the year can also be one of the most destabilizing. If I'm being totally honest, I dread it. I dread any holiday. And to make it even worse, my bday is smack dab in the middle of it! (Nov. 29th—now accepting gifts! 😂)
Between disrupted sleep, endless social obligations, family dynamics, financial pressures, sensory overload, and alcohol EVERYWHERE, the holidays can feel less like a winter wonderland and more like a high-stakes obstacle course.
Attend every gathering. Make everyone happy. Stay up late. Say yes when I wanted to say no. Push through exhaustion. Pretend I was fine when I was running on empty.
And then January rolls around, and I'm left starting the New Year completely run down.
Research shows that hospital admissions for bipolar depression are approximately 1.5 times higher during winter, while nearly 1 in 4 people with Bipolar I disorder report that sleep loss has triggered mania or hypomania. With disrupted routines, increased stress, and endless social obligations, the holidays can create the perfect storm for mood instability.
According to research by NAMI, 64% of people with a diagnosed mental illness report that the holidays make their condition worse. 67% of people explicitly diagnosed with depression report a noticeable increase in depressive symptoms during the holiday season. And, within these groups, roughly 24% state that the holidays make their mental health "a lot worse"
Here's what I've learned:
Just because I CAN push through something doesn't mean I SHOULD.
Living with bipolar disorder has taught me that stability doesn't happen by accident. It's something I have to actively protect.
And that means being PROACTIVE, NOT REACTIVE.
I don't want to wait until I'm overwhelmed, exhausted, or noticing the early warning signs of an episode before I start taking care of myself. I want to actually ENJOY the holidays without sacrificing my mental health or sobriety in the process.
So I've established 10 nonnegotiable rules I live by during the holiday season. These aren't 10 rules I'm prescribing. They're 10 rules I've learned I need to follow.
I've also gathered some of my favorite tools and resources that have supported me through the holiday season over the years into three categories: Bipolar Pillars, Books & Chronic Illness.
Managing bipolar disorder isn't just about knowing what triggers an episode. It's about building a life that makes those triggers less likely in the first place. So here they are:
10 Holiday Rules for Bipolar Stability
1. Protect my sleep like my life depends on it.
WHAT: My sleep schedule is nonnegotiable, even during the holidays.
WHY: Sleep disruption is one of the biggest triggers for bipolar mood episodes, particularly mania for me. Even a few nights of staying up late or getting less sleep can disrupt my circadian rhythm and increase my vulnerability to an episode. Additionally, at least for my part of the world, we are living with minimal daylight hours. During the holidays, it's easy to convince myself that staying up late is worth it because I'm having fun, but experience has taught me otherwise.
HOW: I maintain consistent bedtimes and wake-up times, set reminders on my phone when it's time to wind down, and protect my evening routine. I communicate these needs with my family, so nothing comes as a surprise. By now, they already know and support me. If a gathering runs late, I leave. If an invitation interferes with my sleep, I decline. No party, celebration, or family tradition is worth destabilizing my brain.
2. Give myself permission to say NO.
WHAT: I don't have to attend every gathering, accept every invitation, or fulfill every obligation. Traditions are beautiful and meaningful, but sometimes they need to change.
WHY: Overcommitting creates stress, exhaustion, and overstimulation. I think of my energy like a budget. Every activity, interaction, and obligation comes with a cost. And when I spend more energy than I have, my mental health pays the price.
THE HOW: Before committing to anything, I ask myself two questions: Do I actually WANT to do this? And do I have the emotional and physical capacity for it? If the answer is no, I politely decline. "Thank you so much for thinking of me, but I won't be able to make it." That's it. No elaborate excuses. No negotiating. And no saying yes simply because I'm afraid of disappointing someone. Now, there are exceptions here. The 5th grade dance recital or 8th grade choir concert are a must or showing up for my husband's company party is a must. I also color code my calendar using pacing guidelines. Red/Yellow/Green. No more than 2 red items in a day (see archives)
3. Have an exit strategy.
WHAT: Before I attend a gathering, I know how I'm getting home and how and when I'll leave if I need to.
WHY: Feeling trapped in a noisy, crowded, or emotionally overwhelming environment can intensify anxiety, irritability, and sensory overload. Simply knowing I have the option to leave reduces the pressure before I even arrive.
HOW: I drive separately when possible, establish expectations about how long I'll stay, and have a simple exit phrase ready: "I've had such a great time, but I'm heading home." If I'm attending with my husband, we can agree on a signal beforehand that means I'm ready to go. And here's the important part: I don't wait until I'm completely overwhelmed to leave. I also am a firm believer that an Irish Goodbye is absolutely ok!
4. Keep my sobriety nonnegotiable.
WHAT: Alcohol is not part of my holiday celebrations. Period.
WHY: Alcohol disrupts sleep, affects judgment, can interact with psychiatric medications, and can worsen mood instability. I drank for two reasons: to numb the lows and fuel the highs. Sobriety has become one of the most important pillars of my bipolar recovery, and I'm not about to compromise that because it's Christmas and they're serving eggnog.
HOW: I bring my own nonalcoholic drinks, keep something in my hand at gatherings, and avoid situations where I know my sobriety might feel challenged. If someone offers me alcohol, I simply say, "No thanks, I don't drink." I don't owe anyone an explanation, and I certainly don't need to make someone else comfortable with my decision to stay sober. While being around alcohol around the holidays may be unavoidable, I will also never put myself in an environment like a bar, or a place that is exclusively designed for booze.
5. Lower my expectations.
WHAT: I let go of the idea that the holidays need to be perfect.
WHY: Unrealistic expectations create unnecessary stress, disappointment, and emotional pressure. When I build up an idealized version of how everything should look or feel, I'm setting myself up for frustration when reality inevitably looks different.
HOW: I focus on connection over perfection. I simplify gift-giving, decorating, hosting, and holiday plans wherever possible. If the food burns, plans change, or someone shows up in a bad mood, so be it. For the past few Christmases, we've prioritized a family trip over gifts, and we love it. Not every moment needs to be magical. Sometimes a perfectly ordinary holiday is a wonderful holiday.
6. Stick to my routines.
WHAT: The habits that support my bipolar stability don't suddenly become optional because it's the holiday season.
WHY: The bipolar brain thrives on CONSISTENCY. Changes in sleep, meals, medication schedules, movement, and daily structure can disrupt the rhythms that help regulate mood. When everything around me becomes more chaotic, my routines are what help keep me grounded.
HOW: I continue taking my medications as prescribed, eating regular meals, moving my body, and practicing my emotional and nervous system regulation tools. My morning five-minute journal, breathwork, and quiet time don't disappear just because my calendar is full. I may simplify certain activities, but I don't abandon the foundations that keep me well.
7. Set boundaries with family BEFORE the holidays.
WHAT: I communicate my limits and expectations before family gatherings, not in the middle of an argument or after I've reached my breaking point.
WHY: Family dynamics can bring up old patterns, unresolved tensions, and emotional triggers. And let's face it, nothing brings out complicated family dynamics quite like the holidays! Waiting until emotions are running high makes setting boundaries significantly harder.
HOW: I decide ahead of time what I'm comfortable with, which conversations I'm willing to participate in, and how long I want to stay. That might mean letting someone know I won't be discussing certain subjects, staying in a hotel, or explaining that I need downtime between activities. I communicate those boundaries calmly and clearly. And most importantly, I follow through. A boundary without follow-through is just a suggestion.
8. Watch for my early warning signs.
WHAT: I pay close attention to changes in my mood, behavior, sleep, energy, and sensory tolerance.
WHY: Holiday excitement, stress, and exhaustion can disguise the early warning signs of a bipolar episode. Increased energy might look like holiday enthusiasm. Irritability might be dismissed as seasonal stress. Sleeping less might seem perfectly normal when there's so much going on. But I know my patterns, and I know how important it is to recognize changes before they escalate.
HOW: I regularly check in with myself and my team. Am I sleeping less? Are my thoughts racing? Am I becoming unusually irritable, impulsive, withdrawn, or overstimulated? Am I feeling unusually energized despite getting very little sleep? I also pay attention when trusted loved ones notice changes. If I recognize warning signs, I reduce unnecessary demands and reach out to my treatment team rather than waiting for things to get worse.
9. Schedule time to do absolutely NOTHING.
WHAT: I intentionally leave empty space on my calendar for rest and recovery.
WHY: Constant socializing, traveling, shopping, hosting, and managing expectations can overwhelm my nervous system. Without opportunities to decompress, stress accumulates, and my ability to regulate my emotions becomes increasingly difficult.
Rest isn't something I earn after doing everything else. It's something I need in order to keep doing the things that matter.
HOW: I literally block off time on my calendar for NOTHING. Typically this will be the day after a high-energy/highly stimulating experience. No errands. No catching up on work. No cleaning the house. No obligations. Sometimes I read, take a walk, practice Yoga Nidra, or sit in silence. And sometimes I do absolutely nothing. I treat these blocks of time with the same importance as any other appointment. NEVER feel guilty for "missing out."
10. Stop trying to make everyone else happy.
WHAT: I release myself from the responsibility of creating the perfect holiday experience for everyone around me.
WHY: People-pleasing often comes at the expense of my own needs. When I'm constantly managing other people's emotions, expectations, and reactions, I end up exhausted, resentful, and emotionally depleted. And that makes managing bipolar disorder even harder.
HOW: I remind myself that someone else's disappointment doesn't automatically mean I've done something wrong. I make decisions based on my values, capacity, and well-being rather than guilt or obligation. I can love my family, show up for the people who matter, and still prioritize my own needs. Those things are not mutually exclusive. Showing your children you are taking care of your physical and mental health is one of the best gifts you will give them.
The Goal? Be Proactive, Not Reactive.
I don't want to spend January recovering from December.
I don't want to enter the new year exhausted, overstimulated, emotionally depleted, or struggling to regain the stability I've worked so hard to maintain.
I DO want to actually ENJOY the holidays.
And that means recognizing my limits, honoring my needs, protecting my sobriety, and remembering that my mental health matters just as much on Christmas Day as it does on any other day of the year.
The reality is that bipolar disorder doesn't take a holiday. Neither does my commitment to managing it.
And here's something else I've learned along the way:
Protecting my mental health isn't selfish. It's what allows me to show up as the best version of myself for the people I love.
So this holiday season, instead of trying to implement all 10 rules at once, I encourage you to pick one or two that resonate most and start there. Maybe it's finally saying no to an invitation you don't want to accept. Maybe it's establishing boundaries with family before the holidays begin. Or maybe it's simply giving yourself permission to REST without feeling guilty about it.
Whatever it is, remember this:
You are allowed to disappoint other people without abandoning yourself.
And you deserve to enjoy the holidays, too.
With love,
Louise
The Six Pillars to Bipolar Stability: The framework I use for creating more stability while living with bipolar.
Resource List: Podcasts, communities, organizations, resources, and tools that have genuinely helped me over the years.
My Favorites: I've gathered my favorite items that have supported me over the years. They are divided into 3 categories: Bipolar Pillars, Books & Chronic Illness
I'm Bipolar. Now What? Weekly Newsletter Archives
LOUISE BARNETT
Bipolar. Sober. Mom.
Finding the Gray Areas in All Things
Tainted Love: A Bipolar Memoir
A QUICK MEDICAL DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor or mental health professional. I am a person living with Bipolar I Disorder, and I share my personal experience along with educational information to help people better understand bipolar disorder and feel less alone. This newsletter is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or replace advice from a qualified medical or mental health professional. Bipolar disorder is complex, and symptoms can overlap with other mental health and medical conditions. If you think you may have bipolar disorder—or you're concerned about changes in your mood, behavior, or thinking—please talk with a qualified mental health professional who can evaluate your individual situation. If you or someone you love is experiencing psychosis, is in immediate danger, or may hurt themselves or someone else, seek emergency help immediately.
